Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"You're so much braver than I am"

Am I? It's what a handful of people have said to me about my leaving. I generally dismissed it, not really understanding what they meant. I've never lived more than an hour from home and never been away from home for more than 2 months, and that was with family. It could be awful for me over there, but I won't really know until I get there, will I? So what is this you mean about my being brave?

Except that it's started to creep into the pot simmering on the back burner in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I watched the pot, I'd start freaking out. So instead I'm keeping myself busy doing other things. Don't really want to think about it for fear of incapacitating...fear? I guess. Choosing not to address the issue because I see no sense in worrying over how I don't know I'll feel a week from now seems like a waste of my energy. And that's different from denial, isn't it?

My aunt went to teach English in Japan at about my age and had to come home after three months. Yikes.

I'm banking on being too busy learning to teach, learning my surroundings, learning the language, and trying to stay afloat once I arrive to be rightly homesick.

Oh my God, I hate this medication. I started the pill last week and I am miserable. Depression, fatigue, serious weight gain, upset stomach, and more- I really hope the symptoms even out soon because I feel like a wreck.

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