First day of school

I feel a deep and abiding shame and disgust, revolting repulsion for the sickening, nigh unspeakable horrors inflicted upon my poor, fragile mortal shell this day.

Rape? Kinda. Really I just need a pizza. Stat.

My boss took me to lunch today. He asked what kind of food I wanted, assured me we could get American food, but I said I wanted to try Korean food, how about noodles. So he ordered for me noodles with seafood. There were dead creatures in my dish! Scallops, a prawn, and the pointy half of a crab. But I ate. Only the noodles. I mentally coached myself around the disgusting creatures contaminating my dish and only gagged once. I'm not sure what exactly that says about my character that I can choke down the most disgusting stuff on earth for the sake of being polite, but I feel I need someone to say to me that I'm a bigger man than they.

Also, our server made fun of me for eating the noodles first; supposedly that action makes people fat. Horrified, mortified, whatever, I laughed along with him.

Cheese sandwich, you are my sunshine in this God-forsaken land of fish.

To school:
It's a lucky thing I'm thin-ish because my boss parks so freaking close to other cars. Also, they drive like fucking maniacs over here. There are signs at many intersections that allow for unprotected left turns on red lights. And they only pay heed to any red lights as they see fit. And they turn from whatever damn lane they please and cut others off often. But there is no rage. It's like the Twilight Zone or something.

When we pulled up, I decided I would move to the apartments by the school for sure, an option I've been given for the end of the year. I could open my window there and spit on the school. But later my fellow teachers asked about my current place and said they heard it was expensive. What? I dunno.

I was told I'd be teaching 10- to 12-year-olds. By that, they mean 8 to 14. The first class was the worst. The kids were so much younger than I expected, so adorable and exuberant and LOUD. The academy is set up with 3 Korean teachers and me. Annie was there to help me through the first class, only she had no idea what the foreign teacher's role is supposed to be, so that went poorly.

I spent 2 whole classes playing hangman. And 2 half classes. These kids LOVE hangman. It's nuts. The class the other teachers warned me about having ill-behaved children wasn't that bad.

My last class was 13- and 14-year-old boys who gave me crap for not knowing Korean but phrased it so well in English that I can't help but want to smack the one upside the head. Whatever. They're not so bad.

I tried Kimpa (sp???), rice and stuff wrapped in seaweed. It tasted ok except for the seaweed, but now I'm having gross tasting burps.

My boss gave me a prepaid cell phone. After 3 days of peaceful separation from one, I am loathe to carry this one.

First day in town

My first meal in Korea consisted of scrambled eggs and dry cereal I found in the apartment. And then I couldn't figure out how to turn off the stove. Every time I fiddled with the knob it got hotter, so I just walked away for a while. Eventually it turned itself off.

Walked around my neighborhood for about an hour this morning. It's a good thing I have a good sense of direction because I don't know where anything is, don't know my address, and can't read the street signs. The wind chill was 27 degrees F, and my camera does not work in cold weather, might be permanently damaged for all I know right now.

Found:
Citibank
McDonald's
Pizza Hut
Outback Steakhouse
Baskin Robbins (In a food court overwhelmingly permeated with the stink of seafood)
Dunkin' Donuts on my corner
lots of pizza places
lots of coffeehouses/cafes
walk/bike trail a mile or 2 long with workout equipment in the center (There is workout equipment sitting all over the city for public use. Too cool.)
a number of shops specializing in awesome activewear
Kim's Club- "This Korean—style warehouse is operated by New Core Company and is open 24 hours a day. It has 12 local branches and offers more than 3,000 kinds of merchandise including groceries. Shoppers can purchase electronic appliances, sportswear, clothing and household items at discounted prices. You are sure to save plenty of cash, so buy everything you intend to!"


My boss showed me around and took me shopping later in the day. Riding in a car with heated seats is a very unusual experience for a first-timer. He showed me where the school is and where the bus stops are to get there, also the subway (train) station and two 24-hour convenience stores near me, which he said were expensive. Found a stand-alone Robbins and a KFC. A big thank you to Coca Cola for conquering the globe. (Imagine double chest pound and peace sign.) Much love.

The next building over from my apartment is a many storied store like a department store and grocery and bed and bath and has a food court, dry cleaning, photo processing, and I don't know how much more. They sell hula hoops everywhere here. I might need one. I know it's much to early to say so, but I'm gonna pull a Moseby. I think I'm in love.

Ask me about my flight

Friday, Nov. 13
4:19 a.m. CST - My ride is here. I didn't sleep last night because it's easier for me to stay up until I have to leave than to try to sleep for 3 hours.
5:20 a.m. CST - I can check two bags free of charge, but they amount to 1 pound over the weight limit. The ticket lady doesn't charge me. <3 This means I have packed my weight in luggage.
7:12 a.m. CST - It's dawn and my plane is backing out from the terminal. A sense of finality sets in; I could have backed out any time before now, but I am encapsulated and well on my way. I feel alone (but not lonely). I feel the weight of everyone else's worries for me.
7:17 a.m. CST - As the plane lifts off and away from what has been my only home for as long as I can remember, I take note of the internal monologue running through my head. My day will amount to 24 hours total spent in airports and in the air. I may as well tell you all about it.

8:50 a.m. PST - The plane touches down in San Francisco. I suppose it was a good flight; I slept through the takeoff until initial descent.
9:05 a.m. PST - A lot of cute Asians at San Fran Internt'l, Nick. Look at all the my size people!
9:17 a.m. PST - I just spent $11 on a plate of eggs. I will even go so far as to say they were nearly worth it. Breakfast is my favorite.

9:48 a.m. PST - What am I going to do with the remaining 3.5 hours of my layover? Walk laps around the terminal and check out the duty free shops. Boy, if you like liquor, cigarettes, fancy fine chocolates, or perfume, this is the place for you.
11:26 a.m. PST - The motion activated toilet flushed before I was finished and splashed potty water all over my hiney. This is my sad face.

12:28 p.m. PST - There's a man waiting to board my flight wearing a Metallica tshirt, jeans, black combat boots, black trench coat, and sporting a partially shaved head, long ponytail, goatee and sunglasses indoors, carrying an orange duffel bag. He looks so menacing.... I love it.

12:46 p.m. PST - Boarding. Look out Korea. Here I come.
2:27 p.m. PST - I didn't know why airline food has such a bad rap, until now. Yuck.

4:08 p.m. PST - I got to watch the second half of "The Time Traveler's Wife." I don't know if I'll ever be able to watch it again without getting all teared up. There's a cool screen feature that shows a map of our plane's position over the Pacific in real time. The outside air temperature is -59 degrees F or -51 C. Fucking Celsius. Fucking metric system. Who thought up that bullshit anyway?
7:42 p.m. PST - We've just crossed the international date line. That makes it Saturday.
8:07 p.m. PST - We're being served Chinese noodles and given a spork and chopsticks. It's become painfully obvious that I can't eat noodles with a spork. I stare at my food in frustration. I don't do chopsticks. I say it's because I'm left handed. But the ladies on either side of me are slurping away, so I cease to worry about looking like an idiot with chopsticks and follow suit. (After landing, I heard some other American passengers complaining about the same issue. One guy said he couldn't use chopsticks and his friend asked him if he had ever eaten Chinese food. I almost turned around and said that's what forks are for.)
10:02 p.m. PST - I've been on this plane for 8 hours, 27 minutes. I would kill for a neck massage. And a shower. My own skin feels greasy to me. I found out I give a damn good self massage.
12:36 a.m. PST - HOT turkey sandwich on sourdough. Black Eyed Peas' "I got a Feelin'" in my earbuds. Does it get any better than this?
6:56 p.m. Korea - Turbulent landing. I think I'm gonna puke.

A guy name John (I think?) met me at the airport and put me on a bus. He said my stop is Ansan and it's the last stop. I asked how long the ride would be, and he said maybe 30 minutes.

It was closer to an hour. I waited outside for a bit but did not see any signs with my name, so I wrastled luggage weighing more than me inside to wait for my ride because it was damn cold, deciding it was my boss' job to find me now, not the other way around.

Welcome to Korea

KoreaWelcome.mov

For posterity

I will be compiling my Korea-related Facebook updates and posting them periodically. Also, I left Facebook on CST. So ignore the time stamps, I guess. Here is the pre-Korea list.

MP just had an interview today to teach English in Korea. This might be one of the coolest jobs ever. Send some "land the job" vibes my way if you have the chance! :0)
June 8 at 6:15pm


MP is going to Korea in September! *JOY!*
June 9 at 7:07pm


MP Do you ever have the feeling that maybe your life has no greater purpose than being the butt of some cosmic joke? That's what my week has been like. I can't decide whether to laugh, cry, or glower at the skies.
June 17 at 8:36pm


MP spent $150 on a damn passport today.
June 23 at 6:26pm


MP is broke and desperately seeking work. :-(
June 29 at 1:56pm


MP This is for everyone who was worried about me being sold into slavery.
Footprints Recruiting | Better Business Bureau Review | Vancouver, BC
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August 31 at 11:02pm


MP made her first trip ever into a pawn shop today. It wasn't nearly as seedy or shady as she expected, and they paid her exactly what she was expecting.
August 5 at 9:32pm


MP Needs to make a daytrip to Austin this week to get shit certified for Korea. Anyone want to come with?
September 8 at 11:33am


MP put in three applications today. Woo.
September 21 at 5:10pm


MP is not looking forward to writing a cover letter
September 21 at 3:28pm


MP got a job offer for a school about 40 min. south of Seoul. :0)
October 13 at 4:37pm


MP is going home to pack. Can anyone recommend a cheap, climate-controlled storage place in or near Denton?
October 13 at 4:43pm


MP can't believe she's willing to get rid of ELEVEN pairs of shoes. Awesome. That perfectly halves the space they take up under my bed.
October 16 at 7:26pm


MP wishes she owned more pawnable stuff.
October 21 at 4:31pm 


MP is frustrated with paperwork, red tape, and bureacracy in general.
October 22 at 3:25pm


MP is packing. Bah humbug.
October 27 at 6:50pm


MP is contemplating how long it will take to bicycle 280 miles to Houston. For the record, getting information on/from the Korean Consulate is a bit like shooting craps.
October 30 at 2:14pm


MP will TELL you as soon as she knows what day she's leaving. Stop asking or I might have to sign up for Twitter.
November 2 at 7:19pm


MP is headed to Houston in the morning. Bleck.
November 4 at 8:01pm


MP "They’ve decided to change your departure date to the 13th because it’s easier for them if you arrive on a weekend. This way, you have some time to relax. :)"
November 5 at 10:05pm


MP has the appropriate power adapter. Woot!
November 8 at 5:52pm


MP is straightening out the turmoil.
November 10 at 12:41pm


MP has her flight itinerary. Depart DFW 7:16 a.m. Friday the 13th, arrive Seoul 7:15 p.m. Nov. 14. 4 hours to San Fran and 13 to Seoul. I'll be living 14 hours in the FUTURE!
November 11 at 11:41am


MP On Saturday, it will be 57 degrees F in Seoul with scattered clouds.
November 11 at 12:37pm


MP genuinely believes the airwaves are conspiring against her today. She was only in Albertson's for a few minutes total, and they played Green Day's "Time of Your Life," and the radio has been playing similar noise designed to elicit an emotional response.
November 12 at 11:19am


MP splurged on 2 pairs of new boots but won't get to wear them until she is in Korea. Omg they are sexy. *Joy*
November 12 at 11:29am

"You're so much braver than I am"

Am I? It's what a handful of people have said to me about my leaving. I generally dismissed it, not really understanding what they meant. I've never lived more than an hour from home and never been away from home for more than 2 months, and that was with family. It could be awful for me over there, but I won't really know until I get there, will I? So what is this you mean about my being brave?

Except that it's started to creep into the pot simmering on the back burner in my mind. I'm pretty sure if I watched the pot, I'd start freaking out. So instead I'm keeping myself busy doing other things. Don't really want to think about it for fear of incapacitating...fear? I guess. Choosing not to address the issue because I see no sense in worrying over how I don't know I'll feel a week from now seems like a waste of my energy. And that's different from denial, isn't it?

My aunt went to teach English in Japan at about my age and had to come home after three months. Yikes.

I'm banking on being too busy learning to teach, learning my surroundings, learning the language, and trying to stay afloat once I arrive to be rightly homesick.

Oh my God, I hate this medication. I started the pill last week and I am miserable. Depression, fatigue, serious weight gain, upset stomach, and more- I really hope the symptoms even out soon because I feel like a wreck.

Preparing the way

A few nights ago, a guy asked me what in the world would I do in Korea without a "real" (read: caucasian) man to satisfy me. I am not concerned and told him I doubt there will be any problem, but still he pressed, going so far as to suggest he come visit me there. Awkward.

I was exceedingly offended by his remarks (The very idea that a woman should need a man to satisfy her- ha! as if), and the feeling stuck with me for days until I had an epiphany last night.

As laughable as I find the matter, I understand why you (all you men, really) have to believe such a thing is true and go on joking about endowments as they relate to ethnicity. It's a bit sad, really, because it's clear now that you have little self worth except for that defined by your perceived value to women. Is your penis really the best thing you have going for you?

I don't expect any of you to believe me because it just might shatter your worldview, but here it is: women don't need you and can, in fact, live without you. We don't love your peter half as much as you do, and I'm not sure that we could even aspire to. I understand how a man would be threatened by such a revelation, so I have no intention of telling you to cease your delusions of being God's gift to women.

Personally, I must say I find the notion of my only being God's gift to men tragically depressing. I am my own, and my self-worth is not measured by how pleasing others judge my physical traits to be.

Perhaps I am remiss in not sooner mentioning that I'm no man-hating, liberal, hippie feminist of questionable orientation; I'm really not. Don't get me wrong; I love men and I love to love them. But the only downside I can see to not having one around to "please" and "satisfy" me, as it were, is more free time. And I have been wanting to write a book.

Sorry, fellas. Women being able to take care of themselves and solve their own frustrations probably threatens the world order and your life's purpose. Perhaps some of you ought to consider higher aspirations. If this bothers you, if you have a problem with my being a whole person, complete and self-possessed as an individual, well, it's not my problem.

That being the case, we will now part ways. But please know that I wish you the very best of luck in finding converts for the cult of your cock.