I got my BA in journalism and went to Korea to teach English. I've been here for a month and have 16 manageable classes and one hellhole. I'm *this* close to walking out and refusing to go back, and I haven't even gotten my first paycheck. I have this 50 minute class twice a week, and the brats are (to my shock and amazement every time) progressively getting worse.
I am the only foreign teacher at this private academy and have received no training whatsoever. The 3 other Korean teachers write the lesson plans for me to follow, which takes only the first 10 minutes of each class. After that, I ask the kids to play bingo or hangman, and they say "no." No? Wtf no? I'm the teacher!
The only logical conclusion is that these children were raised by wolves. How else can a class of coloring assorted animals so quickly devolve to coloring tables, tearing the coloring pages, and throwing about everything in sight? I am not being facetious when I say their parents have created an offense against humanity and the Lord our God in failing to beat the living daylights out of these terrors. I have about 36 hours to learn to hogtie seven 8-year-olds in record time. Do you think YouTube has a how to?
I know they understand "NO!" and "Sit down!" in English, but they ignore me. When I say it in Korean, they mock me. They have little to no English comprehension because they're answering questions based on key words as opposed to actually learning the vocabulary and the language.
They were banging and kicking the walls so hard (no matter how many times I told them to cut that shit out and moved them) that the teacher in the next class had to come in and yell at them. After class, I asked the other teachers if they had any suggestions what to do with these kids, and they just said they will scold them. Ok, that's all well and good after 40 minutes of chaos, but what am I to do in the meantime? They quieted down just a bit when I yelled at them for coloring on the tables, but then they were right back to the screaming at the top of their lungs contest.
(The silver lining is that this class will prove to be sufficient birth control for the remainder of my childbearing years.)
Please oh please there must be a solution out there short of cyanide. Can anyone offer some advice?
Monday, December 14, 2009
My life is a chick flick
In an unexpected turn of events, it would seem my life has been plagiarized from the script of a stereotypical chick flick.
Thursday Tracie took me to Manhattan's, the foreigners' bar across the street from my place. The music was good, the atmosphere was nice; I decided to return the next day because Tracie had other plans. The owner told me the place is hoppin' on Friday nights, so I looked forward to meeting people.
Friday night I arrived about 10:45 and the place was dead, and no one seemed to know why. I ordered a delicious, girlicious cocktail, watched people play darts, and made small talk with my bartender, Kai. I remembered that I am very introverted and terrible at meeting new people and buckled down for a dull, albeit delicious, evening.
Nearly an hour later, Kai introduced me to a Korean guy who had just walked in and sat two seats down from me at the bar. I slid over and started chatting with him. His name is Leo, and his friend bailed on him for the night. We ended up talking for the rest of the evening.
Aside: The bartenders put on a show of juggling booze bottles in the air and with sparklers lit inside them, and the owner did a bit of fire breathing. I LOVE this bar. And it would seem I'm a lush by Korean standards, as Leo was very concerned for me after my second drink. (Though it was really my third and I was feeling just fine.)
Leo recommended some places to see while I'm in Korea and offered to show me some of the best local cuisine. (I haven't gone to eat by myself because I hate fish and, frankly, am terrified of Korean food.) At one point in the evening, he said something I couldn't hear above the din except for the words "you" and "girlfriend." I smiled and nodded, because that's what you do when you can't hear someone in a bar, right?
Anyway, we exchanged info and decided to see 2012 Sunday. He picked me up and opened the door for me (he has a nice car but owning a car in Korea is like owning one in NYC- he searched 20 minutes for parking at the theater). I enjoyed the movie, and then we went for a late dinner of chicken and stuff. He gave me a proper lesson on the use of chopsticks, no easy feat considering my left-handedness. (I have been considering starting a web series called "Moniqa & Chopsticks. Comedy Gold, I assure you.)
Then he went to feed me the first bite when our chicken was ready. Really freaking weird in my book. But I suppressed the mental freak out, reminded myself he likes me and is being sweet, lots of people do that, I'm cool, I'm cool, just gonna go with it. (I am SO good at acting gracious.)
After dinner, he was kind enough to show me where the post office is that I've been trying to find for a month. Yay! (Gifts will be en route this week, dear friends.) And that was that. He works in Seoul all week, so we're going to do something next weekend.
Now what you've all been waiting for: Is he cute? Um, sure, I dunno. He's nice but I'm feeling nothing more than enjoyment of good company and conversation, and thrilled someone wants take me out and show me around. (This is par for the course for me. I think I can still count on one hand the number of men I've known whom I liked as more than friends.) What does he do? Um, businessman-y stuff. He told me the details but I have a habit of zoning out when men talk about their dull office jobs. (God, I can be vapid.) He spent some time in Australia studying English and is now learning Japanese. How old is he? I actually didn't ask because he didn't ask me. I think he's on facebook, though, so I'll track him down and delete this note before friending. Read it while you can!
I feel like I'm blending in with the locals. You know, except for being white. I expect my family and friends to be overjoyed when they read this. When was the last time I had any proper fodder for girl talk? Lulz. None of it's really a big deal. I just had such a bad and lonesome week and such a nice time this weekend at a few events that I felt the need to share the good bits so everyone knows I'm doing fine.
Thursday Tracie took me to Manhattan's, the foreigners' bar across the street from my place. The music was good, the atmosphere was nice; I decided to return the next day because Tracie had other plans. The owner told me the place is hoppin' on Friday nights, so I looked forward to meeting people.
Friday night I arrived about 10:45 and the place was dead, and no one seemed to know why. I ordered a delicious, girlicious cocktail, watched people play darts, and made small talk with my bartender, Kai. I remembered that I am very introverted and terrible at meeting new people and buckled down for a dull, albeit delicious, evening.
Nearly an hour later, Kai introduced me to a Korean guy who had just walked in and sat two seats down from me at the bar. I slid over and started chatting with him. His name is Leo, and his friend bailed on him for the night. We ended up talking for the rest of the evening.
Aside: The bartenders put on a show of juggling booze bottles in the air and with sparklers lit inside them, and the owner did a bit of fire breathing. I LOVE this bar. And it would seem I'm a lush by Korean standards, as Leo was very concerned for me after my second drink. (Though it was really my third and I was feeling just fine.)
Leo recommended some places to see while I'm in Korea and offered to show me some of the best local cuisine. (I haven't gone to eat by myself because I hate fish and, frankly, am terrified of Korean food.) At one point in the evening, he said something I couldn't hear above the din except for the words "you" and "girlfriend." I smiled and nodded, because that's what you do when you can't hear someone in a bar, right?
Anyway, we exchanged info and decided to see 2012 Sunday. He picked me up and opened the door for me (he has a nice car but owning a car in Korea is like owning one in NYC- he searched 20 minutes for parking at the theater). I enjoyed the movie, and then we went for a late dinner of chicken and stuff. He gave me a proper lesson on the use of chopsticks, no easy feat considering my left-handedness. (I have been considering starting a web series called "Moniqa & Chopsticks. Comedy Gold, I assure you.)
Then he went to feed me the first bite when our chicken was ready. Really freaking weird in my book. But I suppressed the mental freak out, reminded myself he likes me and is being sweet, lots of people do that, I'm cool, I'm cool, just gonna go with it. (I am SO good at acting gracious.)
After dinner, he was kind enough to show me where the post office is that I've been trying to find for a month. Yay! (Gifts will be en route this week, dear friends.) And that was that. He works in Seoul all week, so we're going to do something next weekend.
Now what you've all been waiting for: Is he cute? Um, sure, I dunno. He's nice but I'm feeling nothing more than enjoyment of good company and conversation, and thrilled someone wants take me out and show me around. (This is par for the course for me. I think I can still count on one hand the number of men I've known whom I liked as more than friends.) What does he do? Um, businessman-y stuff. He told me the details but I have a habit of zoning out when men talk about their dull office jobs. (God, I can be vapid.) He spent some time in Australia studying English and is now learning Japanese. How old is he? I actually didn't ask because he didn't ask me. I think he's on facebook, though, so I'll track him down and delete this note before friending. Read it while you can!
I feel like I'm blending in with the locals. You know, except for being white. I expect my family and friends to be overjoyed when they read this. When was the last time I had any proper fodder for girl talk? Lulz. None of it's really a big deal. I just had such a bad and lonesome week and such a nice time this weekend at a few events that I felt the need to share the good bits so everyone knows I'm doing fine.
Friday, December 11, 2009
This has been going on 7 years too long
I wonder what the odds are of my finding a doctor to remove my right ovary. The severe amount of pain I suffer almost daily will probably be of little consequence to the conservative, agenda-pushing ass-hats of the medical community who would never see me as more than a woman of childbearing capabilities. Today it's hard to walk without a limp and I'm up to audible whimpering on a scale of 1 to kill me please.
The first time I complained about the pain was in high school. Years before I started a form of birth control that commonly causes the problem. My grandmother freaked out and assumed I had appendicitis, no matter that the symptoms are very different, and made me go to the hospital... where I sat in the waiting room for 3 or 4 hours until the pain subsided completely before being seen by anyone. They poked me a little, said it was probably ovarian cysts, here are some muscle relaxers, bubye now.
I mentioned the pain to my OB/GYN 3 years later. She said it was probably gas. I hit her in the head. Or I should have. I know what gas is and what it feels like- are you fucking retarded?
I mentioned it to my new OB/GYN this year, told her what I thought it was and that I'd read you can get a sonogram to determine if anything is wrong. She dismissed me and said I could do that if I felt it was really necessary.
Ok, so medically speaking, it's no big deal. Or at least that's the message I'm getting. What I don't understand is how my being in pain on a regular basis is not something to be concerned about.
I. Want. It. OUT.
(Sorry, I've had a pretty bad week, so this is the ONE thing I've chosen to gripe about.)
The first time I complained about the pain was in high school. Years before I started a form of birth control that commonly causes the problem. My grandmother freaked out and assumed I had appendicitis, no matter that the symptoms are very different, and made me go to the hospital... where I sat in the waiting room for 3 or 4 hours until the pain subsided completely before being seen by anyone. They poked me a little, said it was probably ovarian cysts, here are some muscle relaxers, bubye now.
I mentioned the pain to my OB/GYN 3 years later. She said it was probably gas. I hit her in the head. Or I should have. I know what gas is and what it feels like- are you fucking retarded?
I mentioned it to my new OB/GYN this year, told her what I thought it was and that I'd read you can get a sonogram to determine if anything is wrong. She dismissed me and said I could do that if I felt it was really necessary.
Ok, so medically speaking, it's no big deal. Or at least that's the message I'm getting. What I don't understand is how my being in pain on a regular basis is not something to be concerned about.
I. Want. It. OUT.
(Sorry, I've had a pretty bad week, so this is the ONE thing I've chosen to gripe about.)
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Apartment hunting
Tonight after work my boss took me to see the apartment he thinks I should move to. It costs 100,000won less per month than the current place, and he would cover the full cost of it, whereas if I stay here, I have to pay the difference. It's in the same area of town, which is great because I like it here and do not like the area near school. The new apartment is about 2 blocks west of the current one.
Cons:
It's MUCH smaller
The stairs to the loft bedroom look like a deathtrap
The view sucks
It's 2 blocks further from the park I like
It's REALLY small (and seems even smaller because the current occupants have 2 pianos)
The bathroom is ugly
There is no bathroom counter
I don't know whether it has a convenient courtyard for exercise as I do here
I have to pack
I have to move
I have to move into a 6th floor apartment
I have to move out by Dec. 23
Pros:
It's much prettier with wood floors, cupboards, and stairs
Do I really care about the view?
It's 2 blocks closer to the subway and a half block closer to the bus stop
It's 2 blocks closer to another park with workout equipment
Maybe I won't have a neighbor randomly blowing smoke into my bathroom
The rest of the apartment doesn't have a weird smell like this one that cannot be covered with any amount of incense, candles, or air freshener
Maybe I won't have an unfriendly spirit for a roommate
It's about $90/mo cheaper
My boss will help me move (not just the suitcases I brought with me, but the food and toiletries I've bought since I got here and the microwave, cookware, dishes, and bedding provided as per my contract).
One less flight of stairs
Cons:
It's MUCH smaller
The stairs to the loft bedroom look like a deathtrap
The view sucks
It's 2 blocks further from the park I like
It's REALLY small (and seems even smaller because the current occupants have 2 pianos)
The bathroom is ugly
There is no bathroom counter
I don't know whether it has a convenient courtyard for exercise as I do here
I have to pack
I have to move
I have to move into a 6th floor apartment
I have to move out by Dec. 23
Pros:
It's much prettier with wood floors, cupboards, and stairs
Do I really care about the view?
It's 2 blocks closer to the subway and a half block closer to the bus stop
It's 2 blocks closer to another park with workout equipment
Maybe I won't have a neighbor randomly blowing smoke into my bathroom
The rest of the apartment doesn't have a weird smell like this one that cannot be covered with any amount of incense, candles, or air freshener
Maybe I won't have an unfriendly spirit for a roommate
It's about $90/mo cheaper
My boss will help me move (not just the suitcases I brought with me, but the food and toiletries I've bought since I got here and the microwave, cookware, dishes, and bedding provided as per my contract).
One less flight of stairs
The blinds on the window at the new place work.
The new apartment does not face a busy street with ceaseless construction going on.
The management here has decided not to fix my toilet until after I move out.
I can start moving in Dec. 16
I can do a lot of partying and travel with an extra $90/mo...or pay off some loans
As much as I hate packing and moving, this apartment REALLY smells.
I can start moving in Dec. 16
I can do a lot of partying and travel with an extra $90/mo...or pay off some loans
As much as I hate packing and moving, this apartment REALLY smells.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Random update
Monday: You know it's gonna be SOME kind of day when you would swear that's the smell of weed through the teachers' office window.
Yesterday I thanked God for my lack of food allergies because trying new and unidentifiable pastries has become one of my favorite activities. Today I sampled a pastry labeled "egg" something. It tasted like buttermilk pie. I also tried "vegetable bread." It had a big piece of ham in the middle. :0)
Today I'm thankful for a natural understanding of linguistics/phonics. Another teacher asked me to help teach one student f's and v's and I think I was mostly successful.
A friend asked me about the cultural differences earlier this week. I said people spit in the street, piss in the alleys, and pass out drunk on the corner. There's trash all over the ground and where the outdoors do not smell like fish, they smell like feces. So it's just like a college town, he quipped. Yeah. Pretty close.
Today I saw TWO fatties! Two! Ah ah ah! (The Count laughs.) But, Moniqa, how can you be so mean? OK, I'm not even talking about overweight people or Rubenesque people; I mean actually rotund. And I'm being objective, not mean. On a related note, people here genuinely like you better as a person the thinner you are, which means I have some catching up to do. Fortunately, I can easily increase my walking week to 30 miles and still have 3 days left over for other exercise.
While going for my morning walk, I found a pretty little seashell on the sidewalk. We live about a 30 minute drive from the sea, though I'm told ocean fish swim up into this river. Whatever. I took it home and hope to find some thread for a pretty little seashell necklace.
I found a place where I can take free Korean lessons on Saturdays. It will cost maybe $3-$4 per week in subway fare and is not far from Hongdae (nightlife central). I can't wait to start.
Hagen Daaz goes for $16/Qt. Lame. Flavored milks and drinkable yogurts are really big here. I want to increase my protein intake but am not ready to brave the meat market yet, so my plan is to phase out pastry sweets in favor of dairy sweets and go from there. EVERYTHING in Korea is sweet, so limiting sweets would be an exercise in futility.
The ladies I teach with want to hang out, see a movie, and go to dinner on Sunday. Fun times ahead!
This morning, as I lamented the fact that every day is dull and gray, a breeze blew through and knocked the leaves from gold and red trees before me like a scene straight from a movie. I nearly wept for the beauty of it. Not really. It was a very cold wind stinging my eyes.
There's a lot of foot traffic here, and everyone stands very still while waiting for the crosswalk light to turn. I've noticed that I stand out not because I'm white, but because I have my headphones on and cannot help but bounce and dance and groove in place while waiting for the light to turn. Meh. The folks in my neighborhood can get used to it.
Yesterday I thanked God for my lack of food allergies because trying new and unidentifiable pastries has become one of my favorite activities. Today I sampled a pastry labeled "egg" something. It tasted like buttermilk pie. I also tried "vegetable bread." It had a big piece of ham in the middle. :0)
Today I'm thankful for a natural understanding of linguistics/phonics. Another teacher asked me to help teach one student f's and v's and I think I was mostly successful.
A friend asked me about the cultural differences earlier this week. I said people spit in the street, piss in the alleys, and pass out drunk on the corner. There's trash all over the ground and where the outdoors do not smell like fish, they smell like feces. So it's just like a college town, he quipped. Yeah. Pretty close.
Today I saw TWO fatties! Two! Ah ah ah! (The Count laughs.) But, Moniqa, how can you be so mean? OK, I'm not even talking about overweight people or Rubenesque people; I mean actually rotund. And I'm being objective, not mean. On a related note, people here genuinely like you better as a person the thinner you are, which means I have some catching up to do. Fortunately, I can easily increase my walking week to 30 miles and still have 3 days left over for other exercise.
While going for my morning walk, I found a pretty little seashell on the sidewalk. We live about a 30 minute drive from the sea, though I'm told ocean fish swim up into this river. Whatever. I took it home and hope to find some thread for a pretty little seashell necklace.
I found a place where I can take free Korean lessons on Saturdays. It will cost maybe $3-$4 per week in subway fare and is not far from Hongdae (nightlife central). I can't wait to start.
Hagen Daaz goes for $16/Qt. Lame. Flavored milks and drinkable yogurts are really big here. I want to increase my protein intake but am not ready to brave the meat market yet, so my plan is to phase out pastry sweets in favor of dairy sweets and go from there. EVERYTHING in Korea is sweet, so limiting sweets would be an exercise in futility.
The ladies I teach with want to hang out, see a movie, and go to dinner on Sunday. Fun times ahead!
This morning, as I lamented the fact that every day is dull and gray, a breeze blew through and knocked the leaves from gold and red trees before me like a scene straight from a movie. I nearly wept for the beauty of it. Not really. It was a very cold wind stinging my eyes.
There's a lot of foot traffic here, and everyone stands very still while waiting for the crosswalk light to turn. I've noticed that I stand out not because I'm white, but because I have my headphones on and cannot help but bounce and dance and groove in place while waiting for the light to turn. Meh. The folks in my neighborhood can get used to it.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
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